Circum Spective

Hey! I have a cool idea! Since we don’t have any fake oil crisis to double the cost of gasoline this year, let’s all obsess about the right to randomly kill each other with handguns and automatic rifles while Iran moves steadily toward its stated goal of annihilating Israel and “bringing America to its knees”.

Wait. Let me ask Glenn Beck if that’s okay with him.

Here are some obscure (in fact, almost totally ignored) news clips from today’s raw AP news:

TEHRAN, Iran (AP) -- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (phonetically pronounced: “Ma-[hock up a chunk of phlegm]-mood I’m-a-dinner-jacket”) proposed on Monday a face-to-face debate with President Ba-aa-aa-rock Obama at the United Nations if he is re-elected next month as Iran's president. Did you catch that one? “IF he is re-elected next month...”. Yeah, right. I’m pretty sure if he is not re-elected there will be a lot of unexpected death in Iran soon after the election ... and then a ballot recount.

Anyway, Mr. Ma-phlegm-mood I’m-a-dinner-jacket has made it very clear that the nuclear issue "is closed". Of course, Ba-aa-aa-rock (pronounced as if being spoken by a bleating sheep, blindly calling out its master’s name), who still thinks he can talk this guy out of his life-long psychotic episode, said the U.S. was prepared to seek deeper international sanctions against Tehran if it did not respond positively to the attempts to open negotiations on its nuclear program. [Ooooo! That oughta get some action. Sanctions!] Obama set a year-end deadline for Iran to show it wanted to engage with Washington.

JERUSALEM (AP) -- Venezuela and Bolivia are supplying Iran with uranium for its nuclear program, according to an Israeli government report obtained Monday by The Associated Press. The two South American countries are known to have close ties with Iran, but this is the first allegation that they are involved in the development of Iran's nuclear program, considered a strategic threat by Israel.

Venezuela and Bolivia are close allies, and both regimes have a history of opposing U.S. foreign policy and Israeli actions. Venezuela expelled the Israeli ambassador during Israel's offensive in Gaza this year, and Israel retaliated by expelling the Venezuelan envoy. Bolivia cut ties with Israel over the offensive.

Israel considers Iran a serious threat because of its nuclear program, development of long-range missiles and frequent references by its president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, to Israel's destruction. Israel dismisses Iran's insistence that its nuclear program is peaceful, charging that the Iranians are building nuclear weapons.

While saying it prefers diplomatic action, Israel has not taken its military option off the table. Experts believe Israel is capable of destroying some of Iran's nuclear facilities in airstrikes.

The Israeli government report also charges that the Iran-backed Hezbollah guerrillas in Lebanon have set up cells in Latin America. It says Venezuela has issued permits that allow Iranian residents to travel freely in South America.

The report concludes, "Since Ahmadinejad's rise to power, Tehran has been promoting an aggressive policy aimed at bolstering its ties with Latin American countries with the declared goal of 'bringing America to its knees.'"

As allies against the U.S., Ahmadinejad and Chavez have set up a $200 billion fund aimed at garnering the support of more South American countries for the cause of "liberation from the American imperialism," according to the report.

Oh wait! There’s one more report out of Tehran today.

Never mind about that stuff I just wrote. Everything’s gonna be okay, because we’re going to play soccer with them. Thank goodness we have Baa-aa-rock making these foreign policy decisions now:

TEHRAN, Iran (AP) -- A soccer game between the United States and Iran this fall could be in the works. The possibility exists after the head of Iran's soccer federation said Monday he received a proposal from his U.S. counterpart about an exhibtion game in October or November.

This wouldn't be the first time that sports has cut through the nearly 30-year diplomatic freeze between the U.S. and Iran. Weightlifters, basketball players and other athletes have taken part in exchanges in recent years. But a soccer match would be an extremely high-profile event in Iran, where the sport is a national passion.

So ... to summarize:
Iran’s psychotic leader may just be is probably the one who will finally trigger Armageddon, and Ba-aa-aa-rock wants to “talk”. In fact, he wants to arrange a soccer game between the United States and Iran. That’s swell. Will we play that game just before or just after Israel bombs the enriched uranium crap out of them?